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Monday, August 5, 2013

I Am and Addict

From my teen years till the time I reached the age of 20 I abused chemicals.  I was addicted to MORE.  Whatever the question was, the answer was more.  I have many theories on "why" I am an addict.  Bad things happend in my childhood.  I went through some hellish experiences.  At the end of the day I am not certain nor particlarly concerned about the "why."  All I know, is that I am.  And  always will be, an addict.

On my 21st birthday (ironic) I decided that chemicals were preventing me from moving forward with my life, so I decided to try and quit.  Only when I quit did I learn how addicted I really was.  The process of closing that door and moving forward to live life on life's terms and learn how to be comfortable in my own skin was very difficult.  Although I have not used any chemicals since that day (9/21/1992) it took me a long time to learn how to live differently.  Things got real, fast and I hope they stay that way.  I am grateful to everyone that helped me on that journey - from the people that I met that loved me until I could learn how to love myself - to my nieces who's very birth convinced me that there did indeed exist a power greater than myself.

Am I addicted to running?  A little.  I know I can run 1 mile.  I could never have one of any chemical I was addicted to.  I know I can take a day off of running, and, on occasion I take "one too many."  If I am addicted to running .....I am OK with that.

How did I quit?  I found some people that had what I wanted and asked them how they did it.  Then I took their suggestions.  Now, 20 years later, I have a life beyond my wildest dreams.  A life better then the life  I used to use over not having.

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