Fitness Posts and Narcisism

Last week I shared an article about a Science Daily article (https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/05/150521213743.htm) which discussed a study that concluded that "Facebook status updates about their romantic partner are more likely to have low self-esteem, while those who brag about diets, exercise, and accomplishments are typically narcissists, according to new research."  Many people shared the post and there was a lot of discussion.  Some humor.  Some hurt feelings.  

I should in the interest of full disclosure state that I have never posted any workout related Facebook material.

Me being Awesome at the top of Pinnacle Peak

OK, I have.  But I really don't think the takeaway from the article was: if you post fitness selfies you ARE a narcissist.

Me being Awesome dragging my sled

I think the point that can be taken is that we should ask ourselves what our motivation is for sharing things on social media.  I do know several people that have told me my running posts have inspired them to start running.  That warms my heart.  I've also had several people confess that they un-followed me (or un-friended me) because it was just "look at me running" and "look at this awesome place I ran at" and "look at how awesome I am."  Although I'm not that sure what they are talking about.

Not just being Awesome but looking Awesome at the comrades finish

Over time I have started to think about my motive for my posts, and from time to time check back on my wall and ask "Is there too much me?"  Sometimes I fall short.  Sometimes I look back and say "wow....that's way too much you."  Other times I successfully try to find a way to motivate or inspire people without making it about me.

All the stuff between these hands is Awesome! (sorry Aaron)

I guess other signs that we might be a little too into ourselves are: posting every split, posting every workout, making sure we have the best selfie angle (i.e. if you apply makeup and get into a yoga pose you might be making it about you) posting every meal, posting 50 hashtags, etc.  Do we post about bad runs?  Do we post pictures when we fail?  I know many of us would rather be caught dead than have an embarrassing picture of ourselves show up on Facebook, but it happens. (Just not to me).

My Awesome shirt!

We should also address the "don't judge me" crowd.  We need to come to grips with the fact that EVERYTHING we put on Facebook is, to some extent, a cry for judgment.  I know we don't want to admit it, but each time someone "likes" our post they are judging it (favorably).  We need to come to grips with the fact that when someone posts something negative about us, they are also judging us, just negatively. (Not that this has ever happened to me).

Gordy agrees.  I'm Awesome.  #NotReally

So if you post your 5 mile run and you are more than happy to have 100 people "like" it and 25 people call you "beast mode" you should also be willing to accept the person that says "5 miles isn't that far" or "is this really something that needs to be on Facebook."  You can't say "Don't judge me, unless you think I'm Awesome!  *Note: Race Directors....this applies to you too.  If you are fine with being blown by 100's of satisfied runners you can't bitch about those runners that want to post about their disappointments too.

I think it would be a mistake to simply say "this article is dumb" or "I'm not a narcissist!!"  Instead, I think it gives us some food for thought about our relationship with social media.  No, I'm not saying over-think it.  No, I'm not saying change what you do per se.  But I think we could all learn a lot by looking into our behaviour, especially on social media, asking ourselves why we do what we do and making sure that we are being honest with yourselves and the Facebookland.  This is especially so as more and more of our life begins to be lived virtually.  

Next up for me, crewing and pacing at the Leadville as part of training for the Bear100 while trying to pump out a healthy dose of podcasts.  :)

Running Friends

If you're like me you have two (or more) sets of friends.  Running friends and regular friends.

Most of your regular friends are people you made a decision to become close to for some reason or another.  Maybe they were your neighbor, or you worked together.  Maybe you have a common interest or even a friend in common.  Nonetheless, the common thread with all of these people is that for some reason you decided to create and form a friendship.  These friendships ebb and flow at times based on your common interests.  You switch jobs.  You give up stamp collecting.  You move.  These friends also tend to change.  There are people in my life that were critical connections a decade ago that now....well... I can't even think of their last name.

Flatlanders Dog Days of Summer 8 Hour Fatass 08-06-16

It might just be me, but running friends seem different.  Obviously there are people in your running group or club.  They might start out like the friends described above.  But if you run long enough (meaning a long period of time) or long enough (meaning a really long distance) you might make a different kind of friend.  What I call my "running friends.

I can't tell you some of my running friend's names or what they do for a living.  I might not know the names and ages of their kids.    Nonetheless, the bond that you will make with people on the trails or on really long runs will be, in many way, more intimate than all of the other relationships in your life.  You'll tell them about your chaffage and diarrhea.  You'll tell them all your secret stories from your life, the stuff you would be afraid to tell anyone else, simply because it gets your mind off of the fact that you are suffering and will be for many more hours.  Some of these friends you'll keep in touch with on Facebook or Strava.  Others you won't even think of until the next time you bump into them at a race, and they won't mind your lack of contact at all.  You'll pick up right where you left off. There's just something about running friends that's different.

Sure, there are more than a few narcissists and drama queens and serial assholes, just like in any other social group.  But I submit that running friends are the best friends you'll have.  They'll know just what you need and when you need it.  They'll say the right thing to change your mindset.  They'll believe in you, even when you don't believe in yourself.

So next time you are out on a 30 mile training run, or 3/4 of the way through a long race look to your left and look to your right.  You're next best friend might be right there, waiting for you to lean on them.

Old People Have Ruined Facebook

I decided that during my vacation I would take a minute and write a few non-running related posts that I have always wanted to take time to write about.

I missed the MySpace era.  I didn’t join Facebook until the late 2000’s, and I basically only joined it to have an efficient way to schedule and meet up with running friends.  It seems that every year more and more moms and dads and grandparents join Facebook.  In fact, kids don’t use Facebook much at all anymore.  

As a consequence, it has become one of the most stale, narcissistic, socially awkward and annoying cyber-locations ever. 

Yes, I realize at 42 I may technically be an “old person” in the eyes of many.  I also note that the fact that I even have a Blog makes me, to a degree, a narcissist.  Nonetheless, I’m going to take a minute to let you all know the dirty secret that many of your friends are irritated by your Facebook posts.  Your Fakebook posts.  You’re whining, unimaginative, lack of intellect and humor status updates that no one (and I’m actually including the people that “like” them) cares about.  Let me give you a few examples.

1. Weather Posts.  NEWSFLASH!  If I have Facebook I have a computer or smartphone.  As such, IF I am unwilling or unable to experience the weather outside on my own, I already have a very advanced device to fill me in on it.  Every day it is below 20 it isn’t “COLD!!!!” and every day it is over 80 it isn’t “HOT!!!!!”  I know this snow or rain might have seemed substantial to you, but trust me, no matter what your alarmist mom or grandpa has said it isn’t.  Please don’t post about the weather. 
2. Kids and Pets.  I love my dog.  I love my dog as much as anyone has ever loved anything, ever.  Nonetheless, I am mindful that everything he does isn’t cute.  You don’t care about most of the things he does.  I may post a good pic or a funny story now and then, but I am mindful that everyone doesn’t think everything my dog does is cute, funny or interesting.  I think the same applies to your children, dog, cat, ferret or the like.  I bet I would love them.  But I don’t need to be updated about everything they do on Facebook.  Every picture of them isn’t cute.  Everything they do isn’t FB worthy.  (But there will be an alternative described to you below).
3. Throw Back Thursday.  Can we just end this?  Please?
4. Talking to people that can’t hear you.  As a rule of thumb you should not post messages communicating with people that have no chance of reading your post.  This includes: sports teams, deceased family members, famous people that don’t follow you on Facebook, your infant or your pet.  I realize that some people feel better paying tribute to loved ones that are gone publicly, but it really creeps many of us out.  Think about it this way….if we were all at brunch together would you say it?  If not, consider deleting that post before you make it.
5. Expressions to the person on the couch next to you.  Imagine you came to my house for dinner and in the middle of it I went on a long very personal rant about how much I love my wife.  Would you feel a little creeped out?  I would.  How about if I we had an argument and said mean things to each other in front of you?  Everyone loves that!  Instead of telling them how much you love them/hate them on the internet do something productive for your relationship and communicate with (only) them.  Another phenomenon I don’t get is the ‘routine daily life spouse post.’  “Looks like we’re watching survivor tonight…I’ll pick up a pizza.”  Really?  You should find a more private way to make your evening plans than on Facebook.
6. Share if you Care.  Changing your FB picture or posting a picture of something related to a holiday doesn’t show you care about something.  In fact, very often when I see these posts I imagine that the person’s only contribution to the cause in question IS the FB post.  Instead of posting a picture of your mom and telling us how much you love her (even though she’s not on FB to appreciate it) how about going to her house and doing something for her?  Just because you posted a picture of a tragedy you have not become part of the solution.  And the fact that I don’t share it doesn’t mean I care any more or less than you do.  Save your abused animal shots, your inspirational memes.  Go out in the world and do something. 
7. Politics.  I love news and politics.  Not on FB.  There’s no discourse.  There’s no fact checking, there’s no listening…only talking.  It’s not the time or place.  If you think your pro-life, pro-choice, anti-X and/or political rants have changed anyone’s minds you are delusional.
8. Selfies.  By selfies I’m talking about both you and your food.  I’ve posted about ten food pictures in my life.  I’ve been interested in 0.  Let’s just agree not to do it anymore.  If you must take a selfie: 1) don’t hold up your phone in front of a mirror; 2) I don’t want to see the toilet behind you; and 3) PLEASE try to make it fun.
9. Boring Posts.  Before you hit send ask yourself, would I be interested in this if someone else posted it?  Only a few of the details of your life are interesting to most of us, and only in a general way.  If you are exploring the great wall of China I might be attracted to your every move.  If it is laundry day I might not need status updates.  If you’re feeling sad I may care if you post about it once.  By the third time you lost me.  This category can save the others.  If I see a food, dog, weather, political, etc. post that is funny, interesting, thought provoking, etc. I actually appreciate it.  But for god’s sake if you’re going to be boring be boring at home, not on FB.
10. There is hope for you.  Many people are unaware of the fact that FB allows you to make friends lists and post to those groups.  For instance, I have a group called “running” and a group called “non-running.”  I try to keep my running posts to my running friends.  I have seen people do this with Yoga, Children, Politics, Family, etc.  Here’s how it works:  1. Make a list of all of your friends that you already know LOVE [X] stamp collecting like you do.  Put those friends on a FB Friend List Called “Stamp Collecting.”  Then make two posts:

A.    “If you are seeing this post I have added you to a friends list called Stamp Collecting where I will make most of my stamp collecting posts.  If you do NOT want to see my posts about Stamp Collecting that’s OK, just “like” this post and I will remove you from the list and you will not see those posts.”

B.    “If you are seeing this post I have not added you to a friends list I have made for all my stamp collecting posts.  If you DO want to see my posts about Stamp Collecting that’s OK, just “like” this post and I will add you to the list and you will see those posts.”

Many people are unaware of this feature, which is a shame.  The other benefit to managing your friends lists is that you can just watch a particular group in your feed depending on what you are interested in.  For more help just search on FB re: Managing Friend’s Lists. 

I know this post might seem harsh and offensive to you.  I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t guilty of several of the above.  Hopefully it at least gave someone something to think about.